


Christmases Past and Present

by AndInThoseMoments



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Christmas, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Protective Phil Coulson, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndInThoseMoments/pseuds/AndInThoseMoments
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Work is just as demanding in the Christmas period as any other time, and Coulson feels like going home is about the only relaxation he's going to have... unfortunately the team didn't get that memo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmases Past and Present

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by ShadowHaloedAngel

Coulson had had a long day in the office and he just wanted to get home, wanted to return to his adoptive family. But it wasn't that simple He had work to do first. SHIELD didn't stop for Christmas, because sadly the bad guys of the world had their own ideas of how to celebrate the festivities. At least they tended to be themed, although he wasn’t certain that that was a good thing. 

Last Christmas, the newly formed Avengers had to fight some animated snowmen dancing through the main street and coating windows with ice. It had started peacefully enough, until the people who lived there were getting too close. Then they had attacked, trying to freeze the humans solid. 

Coulson rubbed his forehead as he remembered that particular incident. It hadn't taken too long to encircle the snowmen. Unfortunately, they had managed to partially freeze Steve before they had been defeated, and whilst the frostbite had healed, it had brought back some pretty unpleasant memories. He could only hope that this Christmas would go by with no-one being overly traumatized. Hoping for no problems was probably too much, but hoping for no trauma was reasonable.

He shook his head, sighing softly and wondering how his priorities had become so confused. He pushed those thoughts aside. If he let himself think about that any more, knowing his luck there was a chance that giant clowns would start climbing the tower. 

One more coffee, and then maybe he could get home. He stared at the paperwork in front of him, sighing. On the way home, he would get them some mince pies and bring them in - the year before, once the ice had melted, Thor, Steve and Clint had been enthusiastically taking part in a competition to see who could eat more of them, and this year was bound to be no different.

He swallowed another sip of coffee, frowning at the realisation that it had turned cold. His face screwed up a little and he put it aside before signing the last couple of forms and putting them aside. He could go home.

He headed back to the tower on autopilot, stopping only to pick up dozens of mince pies from the last shop open on Christmas Eve. He parked Lola carefully in the garage, and headed over to the lift, carrying ten boxes of the sweet treats.   
"Hello Jarvis."   
"Hello Agent Coulson. They are all in the living room waiting for you. There is mulled wine."  
"Thank you..." Phil answered as he climbed into the lift, struggling to keep them balanced.  
The doors closed and the lift ascended before the doors opened again, revealing the Avengers all sat together, resting on different couches around the room. Steve was sat beside Bucky, the two of them leaning against each other while Thor was talking animatedly, waving both of his hands around with enthusiasm.

"Welcome, son of Coul." He greeted, looking up for a moment from his story. "You must come and join us. We have been regaling each other with a number of tales, and now we are discussing those holidays from our youths which we do not hold dearest in our heart."  
"Oh?" Phil asked softly, making his way over towards them. "Well, don't let me stop you..." He put the mince pies down, and Clint reached out towards the pile. Coulson handed him one as Thor began to speak once more.

"When I was a young man, or indeed still a boy, the palace's feast was disturbed by an influx of Frost Giants who rampaged through our halls, attacking those who were in their way in their hurry to reach our vaults. Loki hid beneath the table and I joined him to offer some comfort. 

Battle raged, but I did nothing to help. I merely kept my little brother safe, and emerged only when the fighting was over... the food had all been destroyed, and Father was a little disappointed at my fear. Mother understood though. She was always the patient one. In the end no lasting damage was done, but it was a true sorrow to see so much of the food wasted. I remember one small tray of sweetmeats that the cooks only prepare at the darkest nights of winter. Those were my favourite food of all, so I was disappointed by their loss."

"I get that." Steve answered, and he was grinning over at Bucky. "When I was fifteen, we had no money, did we Buck? Not even enough to pay for a meal. We were close to losing our house, there was no warmth in the building, and no chance for us to do anything to get warmer. We were hoping for some scraps, but until people in the houses around us had finished we didn't have much chance."

"What about the welcoming spirit of Christmas?" Tony asked, crossing his arms. "Surely people should have made sure two kids got some dinner."  
"There wasn't much food to go around at all Tony." Steve explained. "One lady did have some spare, and she gave it freely, but until she knew whether there would be food... well, she couldn't put us above her children." Steve grinned at Bucky, and Bucky grinned back.  
"Don't blame the lady Stark. She did what she could, she made sure we had the scraps when she had eaten. Anyway, her place was so small that there wouldn't have been space for us to join in as well, you know? It wasn't bad."

"Still think she should have done better... Jarvis." Tony called out, a frown crossing his face. "You have made sure to give money to the local shelters right?"  
"Indeed sir, and the refuges. There are many people who will now have dinner on Christmas day, and other support that they need.”  
"Thanks J." Tony grinned triumphantly. "So that your worst Christmas too Bucky? Sitting there and being hungry?"  
"No." Bucky laughed. "I mean, when we were kids, yeh it probably was, but it wasn't too bad a day really." 

Phil tried to hide the concern he was feeling for them in the blasé way they were responding to the situation.   
"Oh?" He asked, even as he thought he probably didn’t want to know.  
"Well, we got food in the end." He explained. "We got food, and we got to spend it together and cuddled up and warm. I don't know, my childhood Christmases were pretty fun. Things got a bit more difficult after the war..."

"Oh?" That was Steve asking, leaning in closer towards him and reaching up to brush a strand of hair from Bucky's face. "What happened?"  
"Well..." Bucky started, his voice trailing off a moment later, before resuming again. "The Soviets didn't like Christmas, and like SHIELD they couldn't have rescheduled missions around it anyway. A job needed doing, and they could use people to do it. Which meant one Christmas I was snowed in in a cabin halfway up a mountain. That wouldn't have been so bad, but for a start, one of the Red Room girls was there, and she was shivering and frightened. And I'm not a good guy, but when there's a girl there frightened, I need to try and keep her calm, you know? We'd both really have got it if they found out, and she didn't like being trapped..." He frowned. "But then I started... I was out too long. All the time they kept the gaps between missions short, I was alright, and after a couple of weeks I was alright, if a bit more myself. But this poor kid, she got stuck with me half way up a mountain, and I'm freaking losing it. Been out too long, but not long enough to settle. I'm screaming out terrible things in all the languages I know, and I don't know how to fix..." He shook his head, and shuddered, and Steve's arms wrapped around him.  
"You did a good job Buck. You did what you could for her." Steve murmured by his ear.

Phil tried to ignore the way his gut twisted at the pain in Bucky's eyes. That pain was gone a moment later when Natasha spoke.

"See, I was going to say when Gorbachev dissolved the Soviet Union and things around me started to fall apart, because that was rather chaotic, but I've changed my mind. Because like he said, we didn't have Christmas. And one winter, I got stuck on a mountainside with a useless officer who was busy having a breakdown and would probably freeze to death if I wasn't there to hit some sense into him."  
"Oh." Bucky looked at her, then tilted his head. "That was you?"  
"Yes."  
"Oh. Thanks." Bucky muttered, but he was smiling now, and Phil could feel some of the tension lifting.

"When my mother had died." Bruce said softly. "It was my first real Christmas, and the family I was staying with were very nice. They got me presents, and they talked to me, told me stories, made sure I ate...and I just missed her." He sighed softly. "Sorry, I guess that's not so funny."  
"Least you got us now." That was Stark, and it seemed to work, because Bruce looked around and nodded.

"Mine was pretty similar." Stark admitted. "I was alone, and drunk, and for once I made a good decision while drunk and I built Dummy. That way I wouldn't have to be alone any more, and I had someone useful to yell at every time I needed someone to hand me something." 

At that, Dummy whirred forwards over his shoulder.   
"No not now you useless bucket of bolts... Go bother Rhodey."   
Obediently, Dummy rolled over towards Rhodey, holding out a Santa hat and whirring hopefully.   
"You got anything to add?" Tony asked.  
"Hell no, I'm staying out of that. I can't win, and anyway you're already stressing out your agent."

"Coulson?" Stark asked, smiling. "You okay there?"   
"Yeah." He nodded. They were fine. They were here and they had survived, and they needed him to respect that.

"Your turn, Clint." Tony prompted, and Phil felt his blood chilling inside of him. If he'd found the others difficult, he wasn't sure how he could face this. He risked a glance at Clint and saw he was smiling, and tried to brace himself for whatever was coming next.

"Circus. I'd got this bruise down my left arm that meant I couldn't shoot, and it was freezing, and I'd got this stupid little... you know those toys that can be cars or robots? Transformers? Well, it was some cheap knock off, and it was this really hideous purple plastic, and I'd... well, Barney gave it to me, but he'd got it because some kid had dropped it and not even really realised. Then it kinda had an accident with Trick's foot, so... yeh. Not the best." He laughed. "Hey, Tony, you could make me one of those transformer things, but like, for my bow, couldn't you? So it could fold up into something cool."  
"Only the best for you Hawkbutt."  
"Awesome." Clint grinned, then glanced at Phil. "Hey, babe, you okay? Did I touch something bad?" He sounded genuinely guilty, and Phil shook his head and forced a smile.

"I'm fine."  
"Okay, you want to share yours? We won't laugh, not unless you want us to."  
"My worst Christmas?" Phil asked, trying to keep the shake out of his voice. "Well, my worst Christmas would be sitting here and listening to every single person I love say about the terrible stuff that happened and that they just accept. That'd be the worst."

Clint frowned, moving to sit against Phil, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.  
"We're okay now Phil."  
"Yeah." He whispered. "I know. But you weren't then, and I don't like the reminder..." He shivered. "Sorry..."  
"It's fine." That was Steve, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to apologise, we don't want to upset you."  
"That's the last thing we want," Natasha murmured, cuddling up to his other side. "Tell me what we can do to fix this. To make this Christmas not the worst?"

Phil hesitated, and now Sam was there, giving him an awkward smile before speaking.  
"People cope with stress in all kinds of different ways. And I know you want to protect them, but you can't change the past Best you can do is help now. So we await your instructions."

"Hot chocolate." Phil paused. "I'll make..." He did a quick headcount. "Ten hot chocolates, you don't get one dummy. While I do that, Thor and Steve... you too Rhodey, could you grab some mattresses, everyone else get quilts and pillows, and we can curl up together?"

Everyone sprang to work, and Phil carefully prepared the hot drinks, carrying them in to find a nest waiting with a space in the middle. He sat down, eating the mince pie Clint held up to his lips.

A knockoff purple transformers toy from the late eighties couldn't be impossible to find, he was sure of it.


End file.
